The radio was playing some snippets of interviews with singer Mandisa--and I just found the way that she phrased things to be reminiscent of things that I have realized about myself, as well. Sorry that I can't give exact quotes here, but she said something to the effect of being right on the line between being an extrovert and an introvert, that she needs alone time and time around people, and that sometimes too much alone time can be destructive for her. Again, I'm paraphrasing.
That is exactly what I've realized, too. There was a time when I thought, I can't live alone, I don't trust myself to be alone for that long. Bad things can happen in my head when I'm alone for too long. Maybe we're all like that; how do we know if we don't share it with others? The thing is, sometimes the alone time fades when you're around other people--and so you don't share what happened when you were alone because that time doesn't exist anymore.
When you're alone, you're the only one who can recognize and stop destructive thoughts in their tracks. That's what I've been realizing lately: there are so many lines of thought that you need to put to an end before they even begin. With so many things, just don't even go there. And when you're alone, you need also to remember that you're not alone--and that puts an entirely different angle on things. Rather than looking at your time not being around people as the alone time, it's your time with God. That changes things, doesn't it? It becomes easier to see those negative thoughts coming and it becomes easier to experience positive thoughts.
I need to spend time around people. There's this unifying feeling of being around others and realizing what we all have to offer that feeds a part of your mind and makes the world feel like a place full of shining lights.
But what about when something happens to make you cower, to make you not want to go out among all the people because they're not shining lights anymore, they're spears jabbing out at you in accusation, waiting for you to fall down?
You breathe and you pray and you don't cary that burden of fear. How many burdens do we carry without even realizing it? How many of us are walking around so weighted down without even realizing it? We don't need to carry all of that; we can lay those burdens down at the throne. And then?
You're back at that alone time thing of stopping destructive thoughts in their tracks, except this time you're doing so while you're around people instead of just while you're alone. Don't let what is good (in this case, interacting with other people) be taken from you. Don't listen to lies (there's another song that's on the radio right now: "fear, he is a liar"). Move forward, not backward. And remember that even if you do fail, all you can do is keep moving onward. We're all trying to improve all the time, anyways, right? So bear that in mind instead of acting beaten just because one thing didn't go over well.
Don't let yourself be destroyed.