I don't make New Year's resolutions. I don't see the point in making vague comments that you will never actually take steps to achieve, or in making a resolution simply because it's the time of year that people do it and not because you feel led to be making a new resolution. But as 2020 has been approaching, I have been looking at my life for the past ten years or so and looking at my life in 2019 and thinking about what I would like my life to look like in 2020 and beyond.
Who am I? Who do I want to be? What have I achieved? How did I achieve it? What would I like to achieve? What mistakes have I made? Why have I made them? How can I move forward to prevent making the same mistakes again?
All my life, there have been lies that I have believed. Much of it I didn't even realize until fairly recently. The world has always told me that I am quiet. And I am: I am soft-spoken and if you put me in a social situation with a group of people I will certainly be the silent one. But I'm also not quiet. I have plenty to say and a deep desire to share it. If you start a conversation one on one with me and ask me questions, I will answer them in detail. While I hated class presentations as much as the next person in middle school, in high school I soon started to like them. It was my chance, my opportunity to share who I was and all that I had prepared. I became good at them, too. (And, you know, the fact that I write blog posts and books is evidence that I want to share what I am thinking with other people.)
And so I use my voice. I'm a volunteer docent at the Rosson House, giving hour long guided tours. That is, I literally volunteer to talk to people I've never met before. My previous job had me talking to the public all day. My current job puts me a little more away from the public but also has me literally using my voice all day (doing dictation). When the world told me I was quiet, it was telling me I could not do these things. But I am doing them and I like doing them and I am good at doing them. So why did anyone ever tell me I was quiet? (There are other lies, too, but this is one that is easy to share.)
All of the little daily choices make up who we are. What I choose to do first thing when I wake up in the morning affects who I am. What I choose to do when I leave the house. What I choose to do when I get home at the end of the day. What I choose to watch. What I choose to eat. What I choose to say. What I choose to think. Who I choose to be with.
I want to live my life knowing who I am and turning my back on the lies.
In the 2020's, I want to live.
How about you?