Saturday, January 12, 2013

On the Looming Horizon

It's so strange.

Earlier this week, I met with both my regular advisor in the English department and my honors college advisor to make sure I had all the classes I'll need to graduate this spring. And I do . . . And I find that my GPA, to my surprise, is rather high--especially for someone who has never professed to have any interest in GPAs. So that leaves me with four months, maybe less than four months, until I graduate not just from college but also from Barrett, the honors college.

That is so weird.

In this delirious blog of mine, usually I tend not to give much in the way of personal details. But at this moment, I will give my age as twenty-one. Such an age makes my upcoming graduation even stranger: I'm just a couple years older than what some people are when they graduate high school.

And yet here I am, sitting and looking at this looming horizon. But is it really a single moment, an epic event that will change everything? Four, three, even two years ago, when I told people I still wasn't exactly sure what I wanted to "do," that was okay. But now, "they" start wanting you to have an answer. And I may have one, as complicated and delirious an answer as I give to anything. But that isn't always the answer I "can" give: I realize the youngness of this day in my life. I realize that graduating college, while something to be proud of, is only one moment. Anything can follow it. And any number of things can follow it. There is not one single word that can encapsulate what the rest of my life after this moment will be, especially since I do not know yet everything that will happen in and affect my life.

So for now I glance wide-eyed toward May. May the month of potential change, but also May the same month that has come across my life every year these two decades or so I have lived. May it be a month of gladness and courage, as well as one of accomplishment.

Tempe Town Lake (right by ASU)

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