I Was Here

Even though the two books have absolutely nothing to do with each other, Gayle Forman’s I Was Here reminded me of Gaspar de Alba’s Desert Blood. When you’re reading both of these books, there are passages that just make you sick to read, that make you feel sick for even wanting to read this as fiction and for someone to have written it as fiction. And then you get to the ending and it’s like the whole point of all of this being in a piece of fiction was to spread awareness about a certain issue, to make you feel sick so that you can help this fiction not happen in reality anymore. And I get that—but I still don’t like it.

This is no more than what the book jacket says, so I’m not really giving spoilers. Anyone who follows Gayle Forman but hasn’t had a chance to read I Was Here yet knows it’s about a girl (well, she’s recently graduated high school) whose friend commits suicide; the book is the aftermath. And there's so much in these pages that just made me sick to read: it’s sickening to think of people ending their own lives just because they don’t want to live and it’s sickening thinking of people encouraging them to do so. So I didn’t enjoy this book. I tried to finish it as quickly as possible so that it wouldn’t drag out too long—I didn’t want to start getting depressed myself.

And then that leaves me wondering what I even thought of it as a book. Maybe Gayle Forman was trying to do something different here and I by no means object to an author doing different things in different books, but I think of her books as the short reads I go to mainly for entertainment. There are a lot of issues she tends to bring up along the way, but never so much as this, I think. I’m not saying that suicide isn’t an issue and shouldn’t be talked about. I’m just saying I’m not sure what I think about wrapping up a social issue into a novel.

It’s strange that I should say that, though, I who have often felt so at home with Victorian novels—they’re almost renowned for bringing social issues into fiction. Issues about social classes, the problems faced by the poor, hypocrisy, disabilities. And I don’t have a problem with that—is it just because they’re the problems of a different time than mine (which is in itself an odd thing to wonder because many of those issues still exist, in some form, today)? I don’t know.

What’s also strange is that, even though they’re very different writers, I sometimes think of Gayle Forman and Laura Wiess similarly (though Laura Wiess tends to focus on teenage girls, her books aren’t really considered YA). And last year Laura Wiess came out with Me Since You, which was also about a young woman who deals with someone close to her committing suicide. Except that book was more about a portrait of grief, a letter about traveling slowly toward accepting and moving on from what had happened. Though it was a sad book, I liked it, in a general way. So why am I having trouble with I Was Here? Maybe it’s because this book got more into the reasons why people take their lives, versus just focusing on grief at loss—maybe that’s what was harder. Maybe it’s because I’ve been reading too many sad things lately that my head’s trying to avoid turning morbid. Or maybe it’s because I didn’t feel like there was enough hope in the way that this book ends. As Cody tries to figure out why her friend didn’t want to live anymore, she also has to overcome that tiny part of herself that doesn’t want to keep struggling, and she succeeds. But I didn’t feel as much power in her realization of staying with life as I wanted; I wanted more. After the dark places where this book went, I wanted a fuller and more complete ending . . . otherwise I’m not sure what the point was (in a literary sense) in the characters and the readers being sad about Meg’s death.

Or maybe my distaste had only so much to do with the suicide aspect. Maybe I'm also wondering if Gayle Forman has been writing too many books too quickly. I'm beginning to recognize her character types, and that pulls me out of the realm of fiction. The rough around the edges guys who sleep around until suddenly they fall in love with the main character, who usually hasn't slept with anyone but is quick to with this guy. I'm getting tired of that construct. It also didn't help that Cody kept complaining about her small town: I understand her complaints, but the town itself isn't the problem in her life and as a small town, I wanted some reconciliation with that aspect of her life in order for her to feel like she had made any kind of personal journey. She doesn't need to like the town or stay in it; she just has to reconcile that hatred. 

For the thousandth time, I don't know. I just hope that I enjoy Gayle Forman's next book more--or I might stop reading the new ones.

Just One Last Comment

Click for my thoughts on Just One Day and its sequel, Just One Year.

For the most part, I enjoyed Gayle Forman's two book set, Just One Day and Just One Year. It was a love story, but also a story of self-discovery and identity. The two books complemented each other well and they told everything about the story that needed to be told. But at the same time, when you reach the ending, you want just a tiny bit more. You want confirmation of what will happen in just the next hour or day or so, just that.

So that's where this ebook-only novella comes in. Just One Night. Although that title goes along with the "Just One" trend of the two full books . . . I'm not a big fan of it. Again, it sounds not just like a love story but like a romance--which is maybe what this novella morphs into by the end. A tad too much, I would say. Amazon says it's about 43 pages, so it is short. I wouldn't call it so much a novella as an epilogue. You have to think of it as an epilogue, not as a stand-alone story.

Stylistically, it's a little problematic for something so short. Or maybe it is problematic because it is so short; I don't know. But while the two books were told from the first person, this one is from the third person and it switches (sometimes rather quickly) between persons. It isn't just Willem and Allyson, either; we also hear from the other characters, and it's kind of a lot for just one short space. The words don't always flow as naturally as Gayle Forman's writing usually does. And given that she has such a talent for beautiful writing and expression, that's a bit disappointing, even for "just a novella."

But all my complaints aside, it was nice to have just one last moment with these characters, just one last glance to see that they were happy and ready to move into the future. To know that they had grown throughout the space of pages and that they were going to continue to grow and to do and to live. After all, it is "just a novella."

Just One Year

Click here to read my thoughts on the first book in this set, Just One Day.

I have one thing I must set straight before I proceed: I don't like the cover to this book. Gayle Forman's book covers tend to be nice-looking, but this one doesn't make sense. Besides the fact that I feel odd with a book that has two people kissing on the front (what is this? a dime store romance?), the picture doesn't match. Willem doesn't look like that. And Allyson isn't dressed like that. Just to get that out of the way.

As I mentioned last week, I enjoy Gayle Forman's writing and I enjoyed Just One Day. Now here is where I stand with its sequel, Just One Year. If I had read them with more space in between, I might have been tempted to compare them, to say which one I liked more. But I think the way I read them, one after the other, is the way that makes most sense: these are companion stories. Given that they cover the same timeline, that statement is more true than it is for many other books that come in pairs. The first third of Just One Day sets the stage for both these books and they both move on from there, complementing each other as they go over events that are both different and exactly the same. 

There are many of the same themes in this second book, themes about identity and projected identities. There is more about travel. But there is also quite a bit about loss and the aftermath of grief. The themes about family and friends are still in here--but they're a little different because they're applying to different characters in different situations. 

I keep on thinking about the "time is fluid" concept. That's how I feel when I'm reading these books. I forget what time it is. I forget where I am. I forget that these are books, characters. I feel like the months of their lives are a single moment, a single moment traveling away from and toward something, the same thing: resolution. Both books are about a single moment that sparks a journey toward resolution. It's the journey, really, that matters, but the resolution (that is, the love story part) is what helps make it enticing and come to a satisfying ending.

Well, sort of a satisfying ending. I am only satisfied by this ending because I know that tomorrow I will read the ebook novella that finishes off the story. Given the way that these two books work as a pair, it seems fitting for them to end with just one last moment, one last picture. 

Just One Day

The best books exist both at surface level and at a deeper level--the best stories are enjoyable in the moment for certain reasons and are also enjoyable continually after for even more reasons. Just One Day, in a mild sort of way, fits into this category of double levels.

I suppose this is the fourth book by Gayle Forman I have read. If I Stay is, of course, her most famous book. She's a good author, and I enjoy reading her, though it did take me a while to get to Just One Day. You know what I think she does well? She has a talent for illustrating both the individual and groups, which in turn becomes an illustration of human interaction. If I Stay was about family. Sisters in Sanity was about friendship. Just One Day is about one-on-one relationships. 

From the title, the cover, and the summary, you would assume that this book is a romance. And it is, basically. But not really, not all the way. The first third is a love story, developing exactly as you would expect: two characters deciding to spend just one day together in Paris. But that's just the start, just the premise. What this book develops into is so much more. It's a story about the development of personal identity, which I always say is absolutely necessary for a successful relationship. (I like to talk about that a lot with Jane Eyre, about how it was only after Jane and Rochester spent time alone/apart and developed who they were that they could come back together again and really succeed together.) 

There are so many themes about identity in this book. Allyson's journey toward discovering who she has been, who she wants to be, and who she is becomes the most important thing about the book. And maybe because of this, I didn't get the basic love story I was expecting (and maybe kind of wanting), but what I got was so much better. One of the things that helped add this extra level of depth was the element of Shakespeare. In a way, the book begins and ends with Shakespeare, and Shakespeare is all throughout. His plays and his themes make their way in everywhere. For a book that is categorized as teen, it enters fully into interaction with Shakespeare, instead of dumbing things down or keeping it at surface level. (One particular set of books that I won't name did this, except with Egyptian myths instead of Shakespeare. The author seemed smart, but like she was holding back, like she could have written something better.) I was quite glad that I spent a good deal of time with As You Like It in my college Shakespeare class since that was one of the plays featured most. 

It's interesting that Shakespeare is the artist Gayle Forman chose to feature so much in this book. I said that she's good at portraying human interaction, and isn't that exactly what Shakespeare does? He sets up scenarios with a set of characters interacting, and it is the way they interact that creates the power of the plays. And it is the way that Allyson interacts with her parents, her friends both new and old, her coworkers, people she meets while traveling, and Willem that define who she is. How she acts toward them is who she is. It's like she's right at that melting point, where she can see directly how her actions affect the world around her. Sometimes she doesn't like what she sees, so she tries to change it. Sometimes she is successful; sometimes she's just confused. But whatever she is throughout, her journey is fascinating, with little facets of it being relatable and the ultimate climax of it all being what? Hopeful. Hopeful--just what I said I like to see in fiction. I like to see a character struggle and wonder and then look up with hope. 

(Admittedly, I'm glad the story doesn't end the way this book does. I have the sequel waiting for me on the shelf, and I can't wait to read it.)

Sisters in Sanity: Gayle Forman

Since I enjoyed Gayle Forman's If I Stay and its sequel Where She Went so much, it was time I read one of her earlier works, as well. Sisters in Sanity is from 2007, and while I wouldn't say it is as wonderful a book as those, still it shows the development of things I enjoyed in their pages.

The basic plot is about a girl who has lost her mother and whose dad/stepmother send her to a boarding school for troubled teens that turns out to have the opposite of helpful counseling/fair living conditions; she makes friends with a couple of other girls at the school, and they help each other out and keep their spirits up by knowing that they all care. While some of the school's conditions made me indignant at the staff, somehow it became an enjoyable novel to read. There is a lightness of spirit and also a strength of character in it. It isn't so much about uncovering a harsh school (the school featured is fictional, though the author's note does point out, along with this fact, that there are schools out there not giving the proper conditions to actually help people), but about gaps and overcoming them.

There are the obvious generational gaps, the gaps between categories (similar to cliques), gaps between people in the know and people who are ignorant, gaps between those who have found healing and those who are on the way and those still in denial. This book is about overcoming whatever it is that comes to trouble you by relying on yourself, but also by confiding in love and companionship.

It's a short read--I read it over two days. Honestly, I didn't want to spend more time on it, though it is a nice piece of work. Recommended for fans of Gayle Forman's other works and readers who enjoy a good teen story.

Where She Went

A while back, I posted my thoughts on Gayle Forman's If I Stay; you can read that post here. As you can see, I very much enjoyed that book. When I heard, however, about its sequel, I wasn't sure what to think. If I Stay just doesn't seem like a book that can have a sequel: the point about it was encapsulated in one moment in time.

But I was underestimating an author I had enjoyed. (Light spoilers below, I suppose.)

While If I Stay is from Mia's perspective but is very much about her loved ones and her relationships with them, Where She Went is from Adam's perspective but is very much about Mia and their relationship. In the first chapter or so, I wasn't too keen on the perspective change. But it works out wonderfully: it allows the sequel to do the same thing that the original did without repeating itself. Like its predecessor, Where She Went is heartbreaking, sweet, tragic, raw, and lovely. It, too, is about a single moment, but a moment influenced by other moments and that also will influence future moments.

I suppose you could call it sentiment, but that doesn't sound quite right. I was one of the few people on the planet who thought The Notebook was a boring movie (maybe not boring: it just didn't affect me). So it isn't so much sentiment, but emotion brought out into center stage. I'll also say that this book was one of the cases where a present tense narrative worked: sometimes I even forgot that it was present tense (as opposed to some other books where the tense might just drag the pace down into slowness).

There is a reason I haven't said much about plot: summarizing would just remove the elements from how they exist in the book. I don't want to do that: they're quite comfortable where they are. It's hard to look at just one element when they're all part of a whole.

So, yes, Gayle Forman managed to put together a sequel that did justice to the first book I enjoyed. If you read If I Stay but haven't gotten around to this one yet, you must.

If I Stay

A week ago, I read Gayle Forman's book If I Stay, mainly because Kaleb Nation wrote a review of it for NPR. I tacked the book onto an Amazon order so that I could get free shipping, as one does.

The premise is similar to The Lovely Bones, yet very different; that book did not resonate with me the way that this one did. Instead of a 13-year old who is tells us on the first page that she was murdered and then explains what happens as she watches down on her family as they deal with/don't deal with the trajedy, If I Stay is in the voice of a 17-year old whose entire family is in a fatal car crash in the first chapter. She realizes that she is still alive (for now) and struggles to accept her new situation and what decision she must now make. The Lovely Bones was about "an event;" If I Stay was more about plain emotion.

At times, it was greatly saddening: descriptions of Mia's life and her relationships are set against what is happening now at the hospital. It is a short book that I thought at first would only take me a day, but I had to slow down for the first half. After that, I moved more quickly because I simply had to know what Mia would do. She becomes so important to you as you read: it's more like reading someone's memoir than a novel.

And when I finally closed the back cover, I felt like calling everyone I know to tell them how I appreciate them . . . I didn't actually do that, but the point is, this book made a definite impact on me. That's a big statement for me. I found this book so close in with human experience that I had to take something from it and continue pondering its content.

It seems Summit Entertainment is trying to make a movie out of it. We'll see how that goes.